Milk and cookies
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Milk and cookies" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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07:51 am
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story frag
Ellington caught up to the princess as she made her way along the dank corridor leading out of Bartan's castle.
"All right then?" he said as he approached.
"Fine thank you," she said, without turning. "Thanks to you." She walked on a minute, listening to the sounds of the castle and of Ellington beside her, then asked "What happened to Bartan?"
"Oh, well he has sadly passed on" Ellington replied with mock sobriety. "The poor thing died of fright."
"Hmmm" she said doubtfully "Can someone actually die of fright?"
"Depends on who is doing the threatening" Ellington replied with a meaningful grin.
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09:33 am
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Rules of the Bar
In the spirit of good natured humor, which is usually beyond bartenders and even ex-bartenders who are still bitter, I present to you, The Rules of The Bar. Some of you, who have never been in this line of work, will read the following and think me a bitter asshole. I can live with that.
Rules of The Bar
(1) The bartender is God, and my name shall not be taken in vain.
(2) If you want a drink, wait your turn. Yes I saw you, and the pretty young thing on your arm, and yes I'm going to make your drinks as quickly and as well as I can, but if you look around, you might notice that you're not the only person in my universe right now.
(3) Act like your mom is in the next room. This means don't shout obnoxiously, don't throw things and don't snap your fingers to get my attention. Snapping fingers is the single most obnoxious thing you can do in a restaurant.
(4) Do not, ever, under penalty of extreme thirst, threaten me with a tip. I'm a bartender, so walking in the door we have an understanding that essentially, I'm a whore. Publicly reminding me of this fact will not elevate your status in my bar. (Yes, it's my bar. My name may not be on the door, but the bar is MINE) The words "Your tip depends on it" are sacrelidge (See rule #1)
(5) If you want a strong drink, order a double, or a shot, or a double shot. Don't be a weasel and order a "Crown and Coke, heavy on the Crown" because people who really know how to drink, aren't trying to slip in under the priceline by getting a little extra in their glass. The same is true for statements like "Spill a little in the glass this time." The only way this works is if you've been in before and tipped me so lavishly that your accountant had objections when he saw the bill. The bottom line is: You want a strong drink, you're paying for it one way or another, because the booze is on my side of the bar.
(6) Never, under any circumstances, order a frozen drink. No bartender ever wants to make a frozen drink, no matter the elaborate equipment at his disposal. We don't care how hot you are, we don't care if you've been craving a Daquiri since you woke up. Most bartenders that I know don't even put any booze in frozen drinks. You want to cool off, order a cold beer.
(7) Never ask me if I can make something "like they do in that place down the street." Likewise, trying to get something the way your neigborhood bartender in your hometown makes it. Welcome to my bar. Here, you get it my way. Also, if you're from somewhere else, like Los Angeles for instance, and you use a "bar term" I've never heard before, don't look at me like I'm a moron and then condescend to explain it to me. In fact, as a general rule, any time someone doesn't understand what you're saying, just be polite and explain yourself.
(8) Unless you're in a chain restaurant or bar, complaints to the manager are practically useless. You think you're the first whiny tourist who had his ego bruised by a beverage specialist? When you leave, we're going to make mean jokes about you with the regulars.
(9) Last call means last call. I don't care if you didn't hear me say it, I have coolers to stock and floors to mop and I'd like to see my girlfriend sometime before breakfast. Also, if I cut you off, you're cut off for real. Don't whine. Don't threaten me. I don't care if you "know" the manager. Cutting you off is my prerogative, by law, which means no manager on the planet can force me to serve you. If I cut you off, you've had enough. Trust me.
(10) Tipping is not a place in China. 20% to start with, but keep it simple. As a bartender, when I go out, I tip a buck per item. This may seem high to some of you, but only those who have never been a booze-whore. Also, flirting with me, no matter how cute you are, does not excuse you from tipping. I don't do this for fun.
A few words on penalties for those who fail to follow the rules. I have ignored people, which is VERY easy to do in a crowded bar, I have made weak drinks or substituted cheap liquor when rude scumbags ask for top-shelf. I have thrown things and I have made men cry in front of their dates. Any thing you do to be clever or witty, I've seen it a hundred times and probably executed better. While you may think it's entertaining to your friends and co-workers to piss on me, imagine how badly I can embarrass you in front of all of them. Remember, you have to face them tomorrow, I don't. I do this every night so I have a lot of time to come up with new and vile things to do to people who annoy me.
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08:24 am
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God and relationships
Ok, so one very BIG contradiction from my past is that I was openly, almost proudly agnostic (atheist even, after a few whiskeys) but secretly I was a believer. Now as to exactly what I believed I'm still not entirely clear, but there was something.
I have always felt that there was something behind the curtain of the universe, some imperceptible something that was bigger than anyone could actually imagine. Nirvana, heaven, the afterlife... whatever you want to call it, I always had a sense that there was more to life than just this lifetime.
But I never talked about it, ever, to anyone, because I didn't want to believe, or more specifically, I didn't want to be associated with believers because I found so many of them annoying and the way they acted didn't seem to match what they said they believed and from where I sat even what they said didn't appear to make any sense. I was built to understand the way things work, it's in my nature. Whether it was God, my spiritual ancestors or the Celestial Architects who made me this way doesn't matter. What matters is it's the way I am. Things need to make sense to me in order for me to accept them and a lot of what some "religious" people say didn't make sense and the way that they act doesn't make sense, so I had an issue with that.
Recently, I have begun a spiritual journey and this a good thing. What I am discovering about myself is that I always talked to god (he, she, it... get over it please) and that I felt there was a reason to have a relationship with god, even if that meant nothing more than being in touch with my own heart (not the pump in my chest but the spark at the center of my being that makes me who I am). What I am discovering is that my relationship with god is personal and it feels real to me because I am a part of it, I'm participating in it. It's not about drinking koolaid or converting people because that's not my personality. It's not about hatred or anger or judgment either. These are just a few of the things that other people seem to think religion is about, and maybe it is, but that's not what a relationship with god is about, at least not to me (ok, so maybe I'm judging a little, but I'm working on it).
This could be a very VERY large post but I have work to do so I'll close by saying thanks for listening.
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06:19 am
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Sheen will become the new slang for going down in flames, but with style... and hookers
"It's been a tsunami. And I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard."
Huh?
Taken from here Click refresh to get a new, fabulous quote.
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09:31 am
[Link] | "With every prison blown to dust
My enemies walk free"
"There's a man," he told her. "A man who wanted only to be free and to lead his people to freedom. His tribe and his family, they were few, but they found allies, other who also wished to be free, and so they came together and became many. This man was clever. He knew how the enemy was weak and how he was strong and so he turned his strength against their weakness and they began to move, just a little.
"The world took notice and then it took sides. The man's enemy was powerful and they had friends too and soon the man's cleverness wasn't enough to move the enemy. Help came from an outsider, someone who hated the enemy as much as the man and since the enemy of my enemy is my friend... well, you know how that goes. The enemy was moved again. The man became the leader of many men. His tribe and their allies and their friends became an army and they destroyed the enemy.
"Finally he was free, so he thought. He wanted to go back to his fields and his family and enjoy his freedom, but the friend who had helped him wanted something now and the army he had built saw more enemies in the world and so he had to go on. Slowly, he began to see how becoming free had changed him and taken away a part of his soul. He wasn't fighting for what he believed in anymore, now he was fighting for other people. Slowly he began to hate himself."
"So what happened?"
"Listen. You can't fight a war like that with making some enemies. It's the nature of war, of revolution. He had many enemies. Many. The people who were using this man protected him. They locked away the enemies that could be locked away, and they hid him from the rest. He was powerful, but he lived like a criminal on the run. The people who protected him but were also using him let him know that his enemies could be set free at any time. They were leverage, you see."
"Keep doing what we want or we'll let these dogs loose and they'll find you."
"Of course. So this man who had only wanted to be free had become a monster and a tool for others, a puppet. His army had become large, so large he didn't know many of his men and it had become secret as well. He no longer knew all the things that were being done in his name, and this frightened him. He decided that instead of hating himself, he would hate the men who made him go on fighting after his fight had been done.
"The man was still clever and so he began to hatch a plan. His enemies who were imprisoned were not really his enemies. He knew this, but they did not. Really they were the enemies of the men who wanted war, but they only knew the man because he had become a figurehead and these other men lived in the shadows and hid, like cowards. He found a way to turn these enemies into secret friends by showing them the faces of the shadow men, then slowly, by setting them free. He let them know that instead of being imprisoned in his name, they were set free in his name. When enough of his enemies were free, he ran and hid in the streets.
"Now his army and the shadow men knew they had a new enemy, and it was him. He tried to tell the world 'These are not my people. These actions are not mine.' but few people believed him, so he had to hide. He had new friends and few old ones and he was alive. He still lived like a criminal but he had a kind of freedom and he tried to get all his old enemies out of the prisons and to clear his name. Sometimes he helps a man get free and they forgive him, but sometimes they don't.
"He knows that in a hundred years his name will not be clear, but he also knows that he isn't that man anymore, so he takes a new name. He goes into the desert and he talks to god and listens to his heart and finds his new name, then he crosses the dessert and begins life in a new land, far from the people who know him and finally he is free."
Current Music: Sting - Mad About You
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08:15 am
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songbook
my wife gave me Lyrics by Sting which is, as you might expect, a collection of the lyrics from all the songs Sting ever wrote, along with commentary from the artist. It's organized by album (sort of) and I was thinking that the only way to really maximize my enjoyment of it would be to have the albums playing in the background, so I could read along. I'm not sure I have enough time to do this, nor would I be allowed this much time to myself, but It's interesting...
Current Mood:  contemplative
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09:31 am
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story...
Seth's appetite proved to be his undoing, ( longish )
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07:35 am
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Jargon
My youngest (7 yr old girl) just came up to me with a biology project and said "This plant is a fail."
My other daughter mentioned to me a couple weeks back that her social studies teacher said that the The Munich Agreement was "kind of a fail."
When did derogatory gamer/net slang become part of mainstream culture? If I hear Katie Couric say "Epic Fail," I'm leaving.
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07:26 pm
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more story
"How big is this damn ship?" ( cut for length )
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08:07 am
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Story, continued
“So, I guess you’re kind of burned.” ( cut for length )
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